Is what-ever else you are wanting, the over-riding thought is just to have Peace from these thoughts?
We often hear it said, that some-one or something is a bit unbalanced, we tend to wrongly assume that there is a mental health issue going on, or that something that is unbalanced is out of step or kilter.
In reality, what has happened is that the there is an extra or under weight or emphasis on one side of the thing that is unbalanced. Like a wheel that is unbalanced, it wobbles at speed and caused the whole vehicle to shudder as if it will shake itself apart. To correct this unbalanced wheel, tiny weights, of less than a few ounces, or grams are hammered in place at exactly the right place to offset the unbalance and then the wheel spins perfectly without any wobble or unbalance.
Inside all of us are two parts to ourselves, our emotional self and our logical self. Our emotional reasoning was fully mature by the time we were 6 or 7 years old, however our logical, reasoning self, does not fully mature until we are in our early to mid-twenties. This poses quite a problem for us as our emotional side and our logical side are out of balance and this can cause a huge wobble of unbalanced emotions.
Emotional Feelings are Black and White! True or False!
Emotions are driven by our values and our own beliefs, and they are there to protect us, to recognise danger, to love, to laugh, to cry, to experience joy and fear and everything in the middle and beyond. Emotions are black and white, no grey areas or shades, nothing but on or off. Emotional feelings are not logical nor know the difference between true or false, with emotions "it" just is, no good and of course no bad!
Our logical and rational selves are reasoning, balancing, weighing up the pros and cons, fact finding and curious, inquisitive and purposeful. Seeing shades and hues, possibilities and compromises. We can reason things through and work out the differences between true and false, right and wrong
It is essential to understand these two states and to know that the emotional state is far stronger and powerful than the logical state. How often have you seen people in hysterics over something funny and then trying to compose themselves. It is almost impossible to overpower an emotional response with logical thoughts. Therefore, armed with this knowledge and raised awareness, any emotionally driven decisions can be challenged and checked with the logical mind.
Discussing your Emotional Response Internally can work wonders!
Take an everyday scenario such as some-one pushing in a queue at the checkout or in the pub. Think about how you would react to this using both your emotional head and your logical head.
Your emotional head, would be screaming something like, I cannot believe it that have just pushed in, it's my turn next, I have been waiting ages and it's not fair". You may be starting to get agitated and angry, trying to make sure some-one knows about the pusher in, the feeling is overwhelming.
Your logical head, would be saying: Oh I think they haven't noticed the queue starts over here, I better let them know, or some people are just rude, never mind I am not in a hurry.
See how the two scenarios are very different and the outcomes very different indeed.
Now think about this in a much more deeply personal situation. Things are not going as you planned, some-one has let you down or perhaps you not the person you think some-one wants you to be, what ever the situation you're overwhelmed by the whole situation. It is running through your head constantly.
How does your emotional head deal with it?
Blaming the situation, the person that let you down, self-doubt, self-hate, feelings of being unable to cope, feelings of worthlessness. Lots of emotional noise and anger. Self harm and self loathing. They must be this or they must be that. I am stupid, I am useless, I am not worthy, I have let them down. All “Black and White statements”.
How does your logical head deal with it?
OK, so that's not what I planned, so what is the best outcome I can take to make the best of it. OK, I am not sure what is going on for them, but I need to have a chat to see if I can understand a bit more before making a call on this. The expectation for me to be XYZ is not what I want to do, whilst I know it was important to them that I did this or that, but it was not what I wanted to do.
The two outcomes are very different and the outcome for “emotional head” is black and white, whilst the outcome for the “logical head” is very much looking at the greyer areas, exploring and challenging. The emotional head should always be checked if the outcome it wants threatens life or limb, or would cause untold damage.
The Emotional Head must be allowed to speak, but does not have to be heard or, its demands carried out. It is important that the logical head talks to the emotional head and gives balance and alternative perspectives in all the shades between the black and white emotional view. Nothing should be done on the back of an emotional response, no matter how compelling it feels, until it has been run through logical testing of the facts. If the emotions are too strong to do this internally, then external logical validation should be sought.
In conclusion, both the emotional and logical sides of our personality are vitally important for a successful and happy life. However, when one becomes to overwhelming, then balance needs to be made internally or externally.
To get the peace in your head, you need to challenge or have challenged emotional statements that cause an internal exhausting continuous dialogue, by testing these emotional statements to determine the truth, to see the shades of grey that emotions never show you and to put the emotions into perspective.